So through a simple Status Update on Facebook by a friend, Fatima, a furious, heated conversation was unleashed. Who has it better, moms or dads? Men and women alike rallied on both sides, battlelines were drawn, emotions ran high, tensions rose comparable to the Cold War days. Below are my thoughts based on my experience.

In terms of difficulty, I will say that women have it 65% vs dad’s 40%, yes it totals to 105% because, well, 35% for the dad is just too little, but 50% just seems unfair to the mom.

Yes, the woman will experience some changes, morning sickness and an expanding belly. However, what most people who haven’t gone through a pregnancy don’t know is that during first trimester the woman will have an “enhanced” look to her, sure, there will be some morning sickness, but it’s a tradeoff as it is offset by bigger boobs and booty (we latin men have an appreciation for good round booty that seems to keep growing). Not all women experience bad morning sickness. So as far as the first trimester goes, we’ll say that the dad has the advantage with 65% because he gets a hotter wife with no side effects on his end; the wife gets 35% because of the enhanced looks with side effects.

Now the 2nd trimester: This trimester is awesome and it’s also the easiest! The morning sickness if gone. Then the wife is starting to show a belly. You find out the sex of the baby. Everyone is excited and congratulating left and right. Generally people wait until the 2nd trimester to let the general population know about the pregnancy. Consider this the “honeymoon” stage. So, I have to give the advantage to the dad 60% vs 40% mom because of the slight weight gain.

The third trimester: This is the tougher part of the pregnancy. The baby moves and you can see it! You’ll see an elbow, or a leg sticking out of the belly. It gives dad and mom a “glimpse” into their little one’s behavior. However, this is a 70 % disadvantage for the mom because she can’t sleep how she wants to and is awakened by the baby’s kicks, which in turns causes a 30% disadvantage to the dad as he is also awakened by mom trying to get comfortable. This is the stage that the mom is getting bigger (she’s hungry all the time), her back hurts, her feet hurt, extremities get swollen (can’t wear wedding ring) and by the last month of pregnancy, she waddles around like a penguin. Mom doesn’t feel as attractive — but this is a huge flaw. Any men will tell you that when his wife is pregnant, that alone, for some innate reason, some natural process, some inalienable truth, is a turn on. Don’t ask why or how it happens, it’s one of those things that just do, like the migration of birds. Knowing that your beloved is carrying your child, your seed, your lineage, your generation; that you will only get to see her like that maybe only once, maybe twice, maybe three or fives times in your life, that is a turn on. Besides, that’s the stage when she glows, literally, take pictures, you’ll see what I am saying. This is the stage when she’s most radiant, more beautiful in a profound way. Yet, she doesn’t see it and this is the part when intimacy becomes tougher. So before you give the dad 0% credit, know that he is more than likely sex starved and is walking on tip toes in case the wife has one of those emotional tantrums hot pregnant women have been known for.

Monica's Pregnant Glow

Also, this is when reality sets in. The dad is the provider, the protector, and as such, has a freight train that frequently unloads thoughts of concerns (“We need a bigger place”, “I don’t want her to work”, “I have to make sure that we’re financially stable”, “What if I lose my job?”, “What if.. What if.. etc, etc..”). One of the things that I always thought about was that, since I was having a daughter, I was in charge of her standards in what a man should be. The way I treat my wife, is the way she’ll think it’s normal for a man to treat her. That would boost my ambition to be a better person, better husband, better worker; all good stuff, but, also made you feel that you needed to do more; that where you were is not good enough and at times, gave me a sense of frustration because you want to be able to give everything she will desire. So there’s that mental aspect, where I think the mom is more concerned over the baby’s and her own personal health, the dad is just as concerned but feels a deeper, heavier pressure as the provider. So I would say that from a mental state, the mom has the advantage 65% over the worrying dad at 35%.

Also, just like mom, the dad doesn’t go out “drinking with his buddies”. I went out once, because of a friend’s birthday, but left my mind and heart at home and I couldn’t wait to go back. The way I see it, it’s all up to the individual’s expectations, if you think dads have it easier because they get to “go out drinking with their buddies” while the mom-to-be is at home all blown up, then that’s more than likely what you’re going to experience. So I would say that that the dad has the advantage 55% because, yes, he does have the ability to go out.

Oh, on the third trimester the momma gets to have her special day: The Babyshower! This is a very special day for her and no one pays attention to the dad. So mom gets the advantage 95% to 5%. The 5% to the dad only happens because he gets acknowledged if he’s right next to her when people are congratulating her, otherwise it would be 0% to the dad!

Me standing next to the hot wife during her Babyshower

The day of birth: *Cue in Psycho Theme followed by a scream like a scared teenage girl (coming from both the dad and mom); fainting optional. Man, what can I say, this day is tough. Think of this: Monica and I were awake at 6:20AM and I was getting ready to go work. She told me that she had a Dr.’s appointment and that she thought I should go with her. We skipped breakfast. When we got there at 8AM, the nurse told her that she was in labor! So, she couldn’t eat anything, drink anything and had to deal with the doctor poking her, running tests, contractions, an epidural, the excited dad who kept trying to ease nerves by making bad jokes that would only be funny to my little brother and not to a nervous, scared, first time mom. On top of that, she was hiding from the camera I had. Then there was the constant pain. The constant thirst. Did I mentioned the scary epidural? (It’s worth it though!) And then the actual labor: the pushing. I’ve got to say, wow! God made women strong, because I don’t know how men would be able to do that! Although, I’ll tell you this: I did the pushing right alongside Monica. I held her “pushing” position, wrapped my right arm around the back of her neck and with my left arm pulled her leg towards her face. When she pushed, I pushed. I don’t know what I was pushing out, but I felt like I was going to pop a vein in my neck, or pop a pimple out of nowhere, or worse…! But I felt as if though I helped bring our child into this world. I saw her first. I saw her black, long hair before she even came out, while she was still inside Monica. Graphic, I know, but I saw and participated in everything. I was holding my breath right along her. Breathed out when she did. Yelled for her to push. Push! Push! (“One more..! Come on! Push…!!!”). As a matter of fact, my mother, my in-laws, my pastor and his wife heard me outside of our door. They actually heard a thud on the floor when an instrument fell, and they thought I had fainted. But no, I didn’t faint, I was on point. Fighting right along her. Seeing stuff that is awe inspiring and just plain graphic at the same time. And for all that, I think dads should get credit. But guess what, once Monica “gave light” (that’s how we say in latin countries for delivering a baby), everyone pushed me to the side (which I didn’t mind because Monica did all the work) and never asked “How’s the dad?” Nope, all the calls I received were “OMG! Congrats! How’s the baby!!?!! How’s the mom?!!?!”; in that order.

Seanna Sofia and Mom

After the delivery process is done, the feeding of the baby comes next. That part is tough! I used to think that babies just cling on the boob and start sucking. Nope. You have to force them to latch. This took a loooooong time. The mom is completely exhausted, has had no food, no water, delivered a baby and is still working hardcore to make sure that the baby eats. I must admin that this is where I fell short. I passed out around 2AM and woke up around 7AM. Monica had being carrying the baby and she had NOT had any sleep since 6:20AM the day before. She was a zombie. So the day of birth, mom gets it 95% to 5% on the difficulty scale. Whew! I’m tired just reliving that glorious day!

Next: The first week. *Cue in scary screams from an asylum mixed with a lullaby and crying baby* THERE IS NO SLEEP! People were not kidding! THERE IS NO SLEEP!!! Seriously! There is no sleep, at least for the first week. And this goes for both, mom and dad. We were a team, Monica needed me and I needed her. We coordinated: she fed, I burped and changed diapers. Feeding took a long time. Every two-three hours. Like a alam clock. On the dot. She woke up. And cried. Ate. Burped. Poooped. Cried again. Slept. Woke up again. This is a 50-50 split! Read this!

After the initial shock and adjustment period (1 week off work for me), I went back to work. Momma had to wake up every 2-3 hours to feed. I couldn’t burp or change diapers anymore. She had to do everything herself (Big disadvantage for her). Although I didn’t get up, I woke up most of the times the baby woke up to feed. I had to get up at 6:20AM but the baby would wake us up before then. So when I left for work I felt like I had been trying to sleep at an airport, in the benches, waiting for a red eye flight the night before. For 9 to11 hours (including lunch) I worked straight, no nap. Mom was at home with a baby that didn’t let her sleep either and required much attention. But at least she got to be with her. This is a big advantage. I miss my baby terribly when I am at work. I had Monica send me a “daily picture of Little Mama”. So I would say that Hot Mama has the advantage (55%) since she got to take intermittent naps and be with Little Mama. When I got home, she would nap while I take care of the baby. (Mainly have her watch TV with daddy).

Now Monica is back at work. This is where it gets ugly. Monica cried a week before going to work, cried the day of, and cried more a few days later. So she gets the difficulty at 90%. Now, for the past two weeks we have started a new routine due to her going back to work. I don’t know how Monica does it. She still has to wake up to breast feed her, burp her, change her diaper. Something that I no longer do in the middle of the night. Unless the baby has a runny nose and I have to clear her nostrils with that blue cone looking thing, I get up. Now, on top of getting up throughout the night, this superwoman/supermom/superwife gets up at 5:10AM (that’s the time I get up to get ready for work) to get the baby ready so I can take her to grandma’s (Grandma has the advantage 100%!). She then goes to work. After work, comes straight home to feed the baby (I get home at the same time she gets home), may or may not take a nap, cooks dinner, does the endless laundry that piles up, and then feeds the baby again. Whew…! Now, before you all start hating, to my defense, I had my knee all torn up and had surgery, so I’ve been going to Physical Therapy three times a week. When I get out of there, I am beaten up and tortured. And when I see that Monica is mad tired, we order food. I’ve tried cooking but we usually end up ordering out. So at the moment, I would say mom is at 65% difficulty.

oh! And as far as the people that say that a woman’s body changes and will never be the same, I don’t believe that is totally because of the pregnancy, it’s more because some women really eat for two. They don’t just eat for themselves, but also as if they were feeding another full grown adult. Monica ate what she wanted, but she didn’t go overboard either. She is now back at her pre-pregnant weight. Advantage: Both! Score!

WHEW! What do you all think? Mom 65% and dad 40%? Sounds about right, no?

Liked this post? Share it!

•